Friday, September 2, 2011

Stupid Shit

Why is Ludacris still relevant? Let me take this a step further - Let’s just kill Ludacris and get it over with. It was bad enough having to deal with his music, but then he somehow started creeping into the movies as well.

We went from the “Mohawk Trail” to “Route 2.”

I don’t piss in troughs. It is just a rule of mine.

Crawl, walk, jog, run, sprint, get tired and slow down to a walk, hope for the best, get some water, jog a little, start sprinting, get tired, cry a little bit, walk it off, jog again into a run, sprint as fast as you possibly can with every ounce of everything within your being until you are crying uncontrollably, slow down to a run, jog, walk, then sit your fat ass down and think about life.

Poor people get their checks from the government, run to the bank, cash them, then go to the convenience store, buy scratch tickets, and lose it all back to the government.

Money is made out of trees: If you want to save the environment, you don’t need more money, you need less.

I like to picture Clint Eastwood doing all of Jim Carrey’s early comedy roles. I also like to picture Jim Carrey doing all of Clint Eastwood’s early macho roles.

I appreciate people who have the decency to flush the toilet after taking a piss in the bar bathroom at 12:35 am on a Saturday morning.

I really don’t care about the Yankees either way.

When will the big thing happen that doesn’t let us regroup over the next few days and have things go back to the way they were before that thing happened?

Things that shouldn’t exist: Plastic bags, plastic cups, Styrofoam, abortion, Reggaeton music, warts, guns, pickles, mayonnaise, white people, cars, any song other than “Marry Me” by the band “Train.”

What’s with 40 year olds who still wear bicycle helmets?

Many times when I pull out my pen and paper and write something down while I am in public, people think I am writing about them, but I’m not. I’m usually writing something stupid like this. But, you should see the looks people give me.

Do you think of Lisa Marie Presley as Elvis’s daughter or as Michael Jackson’s wife? Personally, I try not to think of her at all.

I read an article about a guy on a motorcycle that hit a moose. I know they killed the moose because he had two broken legs, but I can’t remember what happened to the guy.

Reality might be one long, continuous day dream.

Rasputin is Charles Manson on a larger scale.

This guy is so gay his autobiography could be called a fairy tale.

If you ask for a donation, but make the person feel guilty for not giving one, it isn’t a donation. That is paying for something. If you expect a donation, then it isn’t a donation. If you make someone feel awkward or weird about not giving one, then it isn’t a donation. Plus, what is with those little signs that say, “Donations Accepted.” Donations are always accepted, aren’t they? I mean, not everywhere, but if you wanna give me 200 bucks, I’ll take it. I’m not gonna walk around telling everyone that I accept donations, though.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

It is great to be totally alone, as long as you are with someone else.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Walk Through The Storm

Took a walk today during the hurricane, or tropical storm, whatever you want to call it. Very inspiring to walk shirtless and shoeless through town in the middle of the rain. Here's a few things I wrote:

I Talked To A River Today

I talked to a river today.

I was walking through a hurricane when I came to a river that was gushing fast, nearly overflowing and I said, “You tell them! You fucking tell them!”

I wanted to tell the river that someone was listening, even though most aren’t.

You fucking tell them what they are doing! You show them who is more powerful, who is really in control! You tell them! You do what it is that you do!

I talked to a river today because it was speaking to me.

Most of us never notice. All we have is words. We forget to realize
that there are other forms of communication within nature.

I talked to a river today, but only because it was talking to me. It was telling me it was there
and people around here have started to notice
but I’m not so sure their ears are open
because at this point
what nature is telling us
isn’t something
we want to hear

(8/28/2011 11:27 pm)

The House

If you root for nature
instead of humanity
you are a bona fide untouchable winner
because no matter how far ahead humanity thinks they might be
I know the one who dealt the cards
is the one who controls the game

(8/28/2011 11:32 pm)