If you are black and want your kid to be rich and famous, just name them something weird. Shaquille, Lebron, Denzel, Oprah, Beyonce, Rihanna. Pretty much anything that spell check can’t recognize. Either that, or just name them Michael. Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan, Mike Tyson. There is no joke here, I’m just trying to help black people.
If Elvis had an identical twin, he’d never be out of a job because he could always work as an Elvis impersonator.
I see these two people walking together all the time when I am driving around delivering. Man and woman. Young. Early to mid twenties. They are always walking together. I never see them alone. They are always with each other when I see them. I just want to shout out, “I am jealous of your love!”
Good idea for an And 1 shirt: I’m going to eat your zone defense alive then shit out a layup on the other side.
Think about this as length: There exists such a thing known as “competitive eating.”
I have a washing machine. It’s called my hands.
What are biotics and why do I need anti ones?
A bunch of people pretending.
Cats love fish but you don’t see a cat with a fishing pole all that often.
Dick’s hasn’t had as much merchandise lately. They’ve been sucking. I went to BJ’s and they were out of nearly half of their food. They are starting to blow. Dick’s sucks and BJ’s blows. There you have it.
My HIV positive fiscal advisor was able to get me financial aids.
When the tie was created, humanity lost something. When it started being worn regularly, humanity lost a lot.
They have to invent a sexual act and call it The Rainbow Pelican.
There is a super hero named Iron Man. There should also be Iron Woman. This would just be a woman who is really good at ironing.
I am happy, but I could be so much happier, however, I could be far more unhappy.
I’ve had it up to here with tall people and midgets who let me down.
Shania Twain sang, “Man, I feel like a woman.” How so? Held down by society?
I threw my banana peel on North Summer Street in Adams, Massachusetts at approximately 2:56-2:57 pm on Friday February 17, 2012.
I throw my banana peels in different areas and write down where it was. It is just something I do. Don’t ask me why. I don’t really know why. I enjoy doing it.
I don’t believe in god, but I do believe in life. Okay? Do you get what that means? I might not believe in god in the sense that most people do, but I do believe in life, and that is even more powerful.
My confusion turned to hatred.
My love totally lost.
I’m just a tree that walks and talks. I am just a different form of life. We are all life, just different forms of it. I am a tree. I live off the food of the lands, the water of it too. I breathe in the air to stay alive. I need the sun to be here. I am just a tree that walks around. I am just a tree with a heartbeat, a tree that is able to talk. I am just a tree that does some different things. I am just a different form of life in that way.
People I Can Do Without
- Any white woman from Montana who subscribes to Urban Ink magazine.
- Any racist guy who remains so only until a person of the race he is bigoted against decides to sleep with him. (Anyone who is racist until their dick gets hard).
- Anyone who sells their child for marijuana.
- Any guy who puts a hat on amongst friends because he is having a bad hair day.
- White people who refer to Atlanta as “A-T-L.”
- Anyone who owns every ‘Lil Bow Wow album.
- Any drug dealer who is always saying, “Gotta pay the bills somehow.”
- Anyone who has no kids but collects baby carriages.
Thanks for reading. Love, John.