Saturday, December 14, 2013

I Know I'm An Alien In This...


An Echo leaf blower costs $159.99.  Their slogan is, "Get Serious."  I am not joking.

(A Declaration):  I will one day be free.

Every day I'm more free than the day before.

Hi, I'm Gary's mustache.  You may have noticed me.  It looks like I've always been combed - because I probably have been.  I very rarely have anything stuck in me.  Every now and then a noticeable droplet of milk hangs off me.  Gary quickly removes that.  He takes good care of me.  He even brushes me when he brushes his teeth.  Gary is a little odd.  But, he treats me well, and I treat him well, too, getting him many ladies who are into a sort of retro-creeper look.  Well, I have to go, Gary is about to drink some orange juice.  It was nice meeting you.  You should talk to my cousin, Melissa's mole sometime, she is quite the character.

People order a "hot oven grinder," but you never hear them order a "cold oven grinder," because that's a grinder that's in a refrigerator.

A caterpillar crossing a highway.

HILLARY SWANK USES COUPONS!!!

Don't let who you are defeat who you could be.

Sitting by my fire I feel like I've accomplished something.  I'm not sure what, but I did it.

Why are grown men beating their wives?  Why are women killing their unborn children?  Why are parents not taking care of their kids?  Basic human care and decency has been lost.

I plan to earn my death with my life.

Humanity:  Shit, we created disposable, individually wrapped plastic straws.  Do you realize how much that says about us as a people - as a form of life?

I hated having to learn what love wasn't.

You can chase perfection to nothingness.
You can chase love to loneliness.

Society is the wedge that has split humanity apart.

I choose to be poor, but live more.

I want to talk about chef salads.  What is with those?  What is the standard?  What is supposed to come in them?  How can different people put different things in a salad, but still it's considered a chef salad?  Isn't there a universal chef salad?  A Plato's Form of what every chef salad is?  Like if I put anchovies, pancakes, and gummy bears on a salad and said its a chef salad, what could they do about it?  Not a damn thing.

These creatures...they pay people to tell other people what the weather might be instead of just waiting for it.

Only humans bow towards Mecca.

The extent of our care is a bumper sticker.  We don't actually do anything about it.  We don't actually live our lives to reflect it.  But, we make ourselves feel better about it by putting this on our car.  Bumper sticker:  really working for your cause.

It's water under the bridge, but I overheard what you said.

I know I'm an alien in this...

Parallel parking to get your booze.

Some sort of metaphor:  A shadow disappears with light.

She's a waste of time.  The greatest waste one can find.  She's a waste of time, oh yes she is, the greatest waste of all.

Some sort of metaphor:  All clouds hover at the same level.

People watch TV instead of looking out the window of a plane.  I consider it a total waste of something.

How can a napkin ever be considered littering?  How can all these cars not?

Life; find a way to make it work and enjoy it while doing it.

"There's always hope for something different." - Lady at the dog park in Los Angeles.

Many, bordering on most things, are just distractions from who we are.  Distractions from ourselves, from connecting with life in a greater way.

I look out at the ocean from a beach in LA at night and I say, "This is how it's supposed to be."  Then, I turn slightly to the left and see the power plant on the shore with the smoke pouring from the stack, the blinking lights and realize that is how we make it.

I heard a laser hair removal commercial that said, "Wouldn't it be great to never shave again?"  You can already do that.

People say, "I'm starving," as if it's no big deal.  No one who was actually starving ever said it all non-chalant like that.

Time isn't money.  Time is life.  Don't waste it.

A:  Got everything?
B:  I'd forget my balls if they weren't attached to my vagina.

I don't like that a small minority can ruin it for the rest of us.  Why is it like that?

My dad beat my brother Senseless.  What's worse is he named my brother Senseless.

If you're black, it's not called a glove compartment.  It's a gun compartment.

Don't be too naive.  Remember; people build on their own disaster.

I have an abundance.  Don't you see?

I beg these (mainstream) musical artists:  Please, say something!!!

Rules I made up:  White people can never refer to their area code as "the ###."

Heard on radio:  "Minimally invasive spine surgery."  This must be explained to me.

I'll be proud to die because I'm proud to live.

It feels good to stand in the rain knowing close by you have a roof over your head.

Wrap your head around my sexuality, you'd have to be a giraffe and  you still wouldn't be able to smother what I'm open to.

Fecal Matters
As of November 29, 2013, I have 916 total shits for the year.  I need 84 to reach 1,000 for the year.  I have 31 days left.  I need to average 2.70968 spd (shits per day) to get 1,000.  My average spd so far is 2.74251 spd, so at this rate, I will reach it.

Every second is a lifetime.

November 29, 2013:  I saw 4 cars in a row turning into the McDonald's parking lot the day after Thanksgiving.

Don't you want a piece of the past?  I do.  And I want a piece of you, too.  Actually, I want the while thing, I'm so far from full.

My breasts are small and humble so you don't confuse them with the mountains.

Cockels.  Cockels of my heart.

The Dying Nipple:  A Novel.

At this point in time in America, we have the most to be thankful for, but we are some of the least thankful people.

A Book:  The Art of Getting Up A Phlegm.

I'm a white, land owning man in America in the year 2013...(leans back cusping head in hands)...ahhh soak it in.  I've got it too good.

I think I'm dumb, but I'm dumb so I'd most likely be wrong about me being dumb - which would mean I'm smart, but you can't be dumb to understand that.  I'm not sure if I do or not.

According to my 6 year old nephew, I'm actually not a bitch.  I'm a nice, ugly, idiot.

Thanks for reading.

Crap

Constipated thoughts
rush out of me
once held back
by a lack of release

I'm a writer now
continuously pushing out ideas
as they come to me

As a man eats
I live
As a man defecates
I write poetry

I'm proud to say
look at this toilet bowl book of poetry I have written
and read my shit

(December 14th 2013)
To Write - and Live

Marvel at mediocrity.

Be able to find magnificence in the mundane.

Electricity, energy where others just can't see or feel it.

Find something close to heaven
in boredom.

Create a masterpiece
from nothing.

Take a feeling
and stretch it into eternity.

See beyond.
Look deeper.
Think.
Be open.
Let it flow.

Let no moment be meaningless.

Make every second
a miracle.

(December 12, 2013)

My Cats

My cats are warriors
animals of their own kind-
survivors

I'm proud of their ability to adapt - to overcome -
to live nearly on their own

They lived in the woods this summer for months-
only food was left for them

They sit here now
by the fire

They have the ability to relax now-
to enjoy the warmth of the woodstove

I'm proud of my cats-
these warriors, these survivors-
these gentle, loving, individualistic animals

They are more a man
than many of us

(December 11, 2013)
Stop And Watch The Children Grow

Never take your woodstove for granted
the sunshine
your kids
the cats
the cold
the love
your house

Never forget how the day becomes night.
Stand in awe of the mountains.

Never forget
your family
your friends
your loved ones

Always remember
your heat during the winter
the warm meal on the table
the laughter, the love, the sharing

Stop to appreciate
the sex, the emotion, the physicality, life itself

Don't run through and miss
the joy
the simplicity
the way it all works
the tears - good and bad
the time we spend with one another

Don't let it pass by without noticing.

Stop and watch
the children grow
the seed become a plant
the rainfall
the tear from my heart is I write this

Never forget the love
we all share -
this common bond of care
we have for each other

Never forget to let someone know.

(December 8, 2013)